:( we lost one...

:(

So sad, shortly after my last post momma kitty popped out baby number 5.... it didn't make it... rip little ball of fuz :(

Late night rambling...

It's currently 3:30 in the morning, and I am pulling an all nighter because my cat is having kittens. And my cat is attached to my hip. She panics every time I move away from her..... So, lucky me, I get to suffer through the lack of sleep, and the pain of laying on my hard kitchen floor, just so she can be at peace.... Spoiled kitty.

I have 3 MRIs scheduled for Thursday, one right after another. I'm not sure what exactly they are looking for, but I'm learning to expect the worst, hope for the best...

Two nights ago, a fellow atheist in a fb group I have been in for a couple years passed away from falling down the stairs. It worries me just how fragile our bodies truly are, and how much more so the bodies with chronic illnesses are. Makes me wonder and worry how much longer I have on earth. It makes me wonder how to prevent the undeniable truth, that one day everyone dies.

Sorry, I'm tired so I am rambling. Hopefully momma kitty pops out the last kitten soon, I need sleep desperately. Tomorrow is gonna be hell if I don't get at least a nap in before the munchkins are up...

The pain is real...

Tonight is not a good night.... I'm in a lot of pain, but just laying here dealing with it. If you know me, you know I can handle my pain well, that it takes a lot to make me cry.... well. I'm about at that level. My lower back/tailbone area (where my l6 is) is the main source of the pain, but its radiating into my hips and into the back of my thighs..... I'm gonna make a doctor appointment in the morning, I can't take much more of this pain and them telling me they can't do anything for my pain. And I swear if they try to send me to physical therapy again, I may have to smack 'em.

Hope y'all have a good night... I'm gonna lay here and probably read a book.... :/

Not my day...

It hasn't been my day... So I felt like singing about it. My stress levels are through the roof, and I just needed to let it out...

Magic...

It seems that no matter how down in the dumps I am, there is ALWAYS one magic trick that makes me feel better...

Playing dress up.

Whether it's in a little black dress, some sexy lingerie, or just putting on my favorite eyeliner.... feeling sexy makes me feel like I can conquer another day.

Anyone else the same?

Note to Self:

Inhale, Exhale... that's the way it must be.

With no cure, no true treatment... I have to find a way to get used to this disease. I have to take life one day at a time, one step at a time.

Its time to stand up, come together, and find a cure. Lets wipe out the invisible diseases together!!



Just don't give up. Even when it seems like a long and dark road... there is a reason to live. So don't loose hope...

New Symptoms????

I am still feeling like a freight train has hit me, but I cannot help but to wonder if that is all because of the steroids or if I am still having a flare up...

I regained the feeling in my left leg, my feet, and my torso... however, by fingers are still as numb as ever and it is slowly moving into my palms. I have also seemed to of lost my sense of taste. Nothing tastes. I don't even have the sensation of sweet or salty. Plus to boot, my back is locking up and spasming.

I just want my life back....





Donations Accepted Here

Friends make the world go round...

A special friend of mine set up a GoFundMe account on my behalf, and I figured I would post it here.... worse case, it doesn't get seen...

Donate Here

I would like to say that anything and EVERYTHING above and beyond WILL be donated to NMSS.

Thank you everyone.

Happy Independence Day...

Due to the insane holiday, I was unable to post. How was your 4th?

My 4th was pretty decent, minus drama.. and the inability to drink alcohol... and of course, keeping a smile on my face. But. I did it. I finished my first set of steroid injections on Saturday morning. Yay, right? Well, I wish it was that simple. You would think that I'd feel like a million bucks again, that all of my previous symptoms would be gone... but nope. I feel worse.

From Tuesday to Saturday I proceeded to go to my local hospital for my daily steroid injection. After an hour hooked up to the IV, and a horrible metal taste in my mouth, I was allowed to leave each day. Well, yesterday morning I went in just as before, and I told the nurse that yes, my symptoms have gotten better (everywhere but my hands have feeling again). Around 3pm, I started getting exhausted, so I just sat around and enjoyed the people.... by midnight, I was seeing in double and triple.  Which I guess is common, they said it might happen. Anyhow, today I got up... Nauseated, dizzy, upset stomach, incredible fatigue, pounding headache, sore muscles... I feel like I was hit by a freight train... but, they said its all common side effects.

I really hope this gets better... or I get used to it, because this really isn't the way to live a life as a 24 year old yound mom of 2...

Finally broke down.

After being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis on Monday, I have remained in shock until late last night. I was reading a book, while unable to sleep, titled 'Faulty Wiring'.... it all finally clicked. I broke down. I began crying my eyes out realizing that no matter what, I am stuck with this horrible disease. There is no cure. And I blamed myself... trying to figure out what I have done in my life so horrible to deserve this.

I looked up and down the internet for inspiration. I spoke to friends. And I found nothing to assist how I felt. Everything I came across was religion based. I have been officially an atheist for 11 years, so I am feeling super alone and incredibly depressed. I am trying to take it one day at a time, but it feels so tough right now...